The Principle of Mascosity

For every action, there is a reaction.

For every day, there is a night.

For every good, there is an evil.

No, I'm not talking about Wario again. Not exactly.

I'm too cheap!

Sega rightly wanted in on some of the fame that Nintendo was getting with their mascot, Mario. Initial plans resulted in a spiky teal hedgehog, named "Mr. Needlemouse."

Several necessary changes were immediately made. The teal coloration was changed to match the cobalt blue of Sega's logo, much like Mario's red matched Nintendo's. His red shoes were added as a contrast, inspired by Michael Jackson. And finally, he was given the attitude of Bill Clinton.

...Wait, what?

Oh, ok, for a second I thought I was typing crazy...but, yes. Sonic has aspects of Michael Jackson and Bill Clinton. Two celebrities, the cream of the crop in their times, who have fallen perhaps just as far as Sonic himself. 

Apparently, any children between the two of them would have possessed superhuman speed

Regardless, Sonic went on to stardom. His games were not as varied as Mario's went on to be, but they were nonetheless critically acclaimed and enjoyed across the board. Unfortunately, right from the start, issues that would cripple the hedgehog's franchise for some time to come.

Sure, he got the limelight as Mario's rival, with a sizable portion of children nationwide insisting that he could kick the plumber's butt in a fair fight. His games were fun, amazing, even. But there was one crack in the foundation-

Lore.

Sure, Mario's own lore contradicted itself five ways to Sunday. But after a time, that's simply what everyone came to expect. There was no real rhyme or reason inbetween Mario games. But with Sonic, storyline was established as an integral part of the gameplay. Only problem?

The story varied drastically between the Japanese and Western markets.

In the west, Sonic fought the evil Dr. Robotnik, who had captured the inhabitants of the planet of Mobius, where Sonic made his home. It was a world devoid of humans except for Robotnik himself, an invader among a land of peaceloving furries.

But in Japan, Sonic lived on Earth. Our earth. The one you're in right now. With all the appropriated countries and people to go with it. What's more, Sonic's enemy was Eggman. Yes. Eggman. Because he looks like an egg, you see.

Fun fact: formerly Teddy Roosevelt

...Wait a minute, isn't that Michael Jackson's jacket?

...What, did Sonic and Robotnik mug MJ and split his outfit between them, playing the saxophone all the while?

But I digress. 

Of course, the question of differing lore wasn't an issue for quite some time. We were still in an era where kids only knew the parts of the story that were given to them in the cartridge and, occasionally, the instruction manual. The games were uniform enough that either could be believed.

Then the age of 3D and voice acting came along, and Sonic Adventure was released.

Suddenly, hundreds of poor European and American children were confused. It had been funny the first time Sonic called Dr. Robotnik "Eggman", it was so silly! He did look like an egg! But then...but then Robotnik started referring to himself as Eggman. Did everyone forget his name? And where were all these other people coming from? Wait, Sonic's on earth? When did that happen?! When did they leave Mobius?! Where are all his forest friends he rescued?!

Up until now, Sonic's games had been fairly solid, save for a few weird spinoff concepts. So, the strange discrepancies that no one outside Japan could quite comprehend were minimal next to the actual game.

It was around this time that Sega was struggling, thanks to the commercial failure that was the Dreamcast. Unfortunately, business forced Sega to restructure, becoming a software developer rather than a console manufacturer. And what console did Sonic's games go to?

Hey bro, can I crash here for a while?

And then, soon after Sega's shift came...Sonic Adventure 2.

At some point, Sonic Team seemed to get the idea that players were not playing Sonic games to play as Sonic. They introduced completely foreign gameplay where you could play as Tails, Knuckles, Dr. Robotnik, and brand new superfluous characters as well. Also, Knuckles was black for some reason.

Ok, after this, you take the random rap out of my levels, right?

And of course, came the introduction of Shadow the Hedgehog. AKA WangstClone Emomeier.

Let's see; Gun, Backlighting, Bloom Effects- yup, we're officially edgy!

It wasn't that Shadow's debut was bad- far from it. Along with Sonic, most agree his levels were the most enjoyable out of the entire game, (if not the only ones). He even had a somewhat interesting backstory, even if he was an inexcplicable clone of Sonic. He had history, mystery, and even got himself a heroic sacrifice at the end of the game.

Then they brought him back, gave him a gun, and tried as hard as they could to get an M rating before they realized that an anthropomorphic hedgehog was still aiming for the children's demographic.

Didn't stop them from leaving in the guns and motorcycles, of course...

Shadowangst aside, Sonic Team began on a long binge of disappointing fans, whether it was the infuriating multitasking of Sonic Heroes, the fact that Sonic 2006 was nowhere near ready for production when it was pushed, or the nonsensical, somewhat upsetting plotlines that seemed to permeate the entire company. Particularly involving the interspecies love interest.

Sonic's reaction speaks for all of us.

I can't begin to count the times I've heard of diehard Sonic fans being "cautiously optimistic" for a newly released game, since they could still taste the last one in their mouths. But, again and again, we have been disappointed. Whether by shoddy gameplay, infuriating camera physics, baffling story concepts, or just...Silver:

People like to give him high fives. On his forehead.

So why do the games keep coming? And most importantly, why do we keep buying them?

As near as I can figure, it's because Sonic's level of Mascosity is palpable.

He's unique and distinct, while his overall character concept is simple. He's a blue hedgehog in red shoes that runs fast. That even manages to beat out Mario for simplistic origins. And he has what Mario tends to lack- true personality and history, even if said history seems to be in a constant state of butchery nowadays.

In his time, he was a character that could be related to, idolized, seen as a hero. He didn't just swing his fists or bang his head to beat his enemies- he whizzed past them at blinding speed and outwitted them at every turn! He's Sonic! He's the fastest thing alive! And like it or not, his games are going to keep coming, quality or no, because damn if that little blue fuzzball doesn't sell.