Ripped From Today's Headlines.

What hath Blizzard wrought? Aside from the national pastime of Korea, that is.

What you want?

Way back in 1994--which in video games terms is longer ago than the birth and death of civilizations--there was a game called Warcraft: Orcs and Humans. And it was good. And then they came out with a sequel, Warcraft II, Tides of Darkness, which itself had a semi-sequel, Warcraft II: Beyond the Dark Portal. And then came Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos, to which was appended Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne, and lo, this begat World of Warcraft, and if you haven't heard of World of Warcraft what are you doing reading a blog about video games?

In which case, this is the sort of Blizzard more likely to be relevant to your interests.

The game's a surging sea of mascot quality, and it's largely thanks to Blizzard's artistic director, Chris Metzen. The man has what might be called a signature style. Or if you're feeling anti-blizzard, you might call it a one-track-mind. Except not like that, here look:


Here's what an orc looks like in World of Warcraft-

And here's part of a screenshot of the completely unrelated to Warcraft but still made by Blizzard game, Blackthorne-

Something about this looks familiar.

Or: Blizzard released a game with the same play style as Warcraft but with an unrelated storyline and a sci-fi setting. It was called Starcraft. You might have heard of it. I hear some people in Korea think it's an ok game. One of the races in Starcraft was called the Protoss. They were from SPACE and had head tentacle beards and were a sorta jedi-like shaman/crusader culture and lived in big Frank Lloyd Wright looking cathedrals with crystals all over them.

They looked like this.

And then an expansion to World of Warcraft added the Draenei, who were from space and had head tentacle beards and were a sorta jedi-like shaman/crusader culture and lived in big Frank Lloyd Wright looking cathedrals with crystals all over them.

Some of you might have guessed where I'm going with this.

Or I could mention The Lost Vikings, another Blizzard offering from around the same time as Blackthorne, and marvel at how much the Dwarves in the Warcraft series look like those titular vikings. Or I could mention another race from Starcraft, the Zerg, in the same breath as the Silithid, from World of Warcraft. The point is that there is a fine line between having a recognizable art style and actually being one and the same damn game, and Blizzard and Chris Metzen have been doing a drunken Fandango all over it for more than a decade.


So the games have recognizability, which is undeniably a necessary condition for mascots. Maybe a bit too much, but that's neither here nor there. Another necessary condition is Audience Attachment. The folks buying and playing the games have to like the mascot, or else they will want to buy and play the game less.


Here's the part where Blizzard whips the cloth off Faction Alignment, and starts cackling insanely while thunder rolls in the background.


See, when you play world of Warcraft, you have to choose to be a member of either the Alliance or the Horde. All your quests and rewards will be given by your faction, while the very same guys who are giving the same quests and rewards to the other side will try to kill you on sight. There is no one that an RPG player is more loyal to than the guy who hands out the EXP. Sweet, sweet EXP.

I know where my loyalties lie. Oh, and Loktar Ogar.

 So you've essentially got two mascots: one for the Alliance, and one for the Horde.


On the one hand you have Thrall. He was raised by humans as a gladiator slave, escaped, rediscovered shamanism, helped the orcs break free of the influence of the demonic Burning Legion, rebuilt the horde, experienced both compassion and scorn at the hands of humans, even so far as calling a human girl his sister, and became not only the most powerful shaman in the game but one of the most beloved warcheifs in horde history, both in-canon and in gameplay: players consistently treat his defense as a higher priority than any other faction leader on either side.

Sorry, Ladies, he's taken. I think. The game's a little ambiguous about it.

On the other hand, you have Varian, King of Stormwind and the only human monarch remaining after the undead plague in Warcraft III. His story seems to have been designed to parallel Thrall's: he was an amnesiac gladiator slave among the orcs, he escaped, regained his memory, and won back his kingdom from the control of an evil superhuman influence, in this case the Black Dragon matriarch Onyxia. the difference being that Varian still holds a grudge against the horde, orcs in particular, for his treatment and is eager for open hostilities. This isn't helped by the fact that when the Orcs first invaded Azeroth, they assassinated Varian's father and razed his homeland. Hell, the assassin was an orc that King Wrynn trusted. (Turns out she was under the influence of an ancient evil entity known as Yogg'saron, but still, not a lot of good experience on Varian's part.)

I'm pouting!

So that was how it's been for years. If your character was a Orc, Tauren, Troll, Undead, or Blood Elf, your mascot was Thrall. If you were a Human, Dwarf, Night Elf, Gnome, or Draenei, your mascot was Varian. All well and good, right?

Sylvanas: Lorthemar, you're not doing a Sexy Pose!
Tyrande: Yes, elves have to do Sexy Poses, it is Elf Law!
Lorthemar: I dunno guys, I'm just not sure-
Tyrande: You can, just watch how Sylvanas and I do it!
Lorthemar: I'm just not very good at being sexy!
Varian: By the Light's Holy BALLS, will you SHUT UP for FIVE SECONDS while we TAKE the damn PICTURE!

Except that in eight days, they're going to release the next expansion to World of Warcraft, Cataclysm. And there's been some changes. For example, Thrall isn't Warchief anymore. He's retired. His replacement is one Garrosh Hellscream.

Feelings might be described as 'Mixed.'

See, while both Thrall and Varian are open to criticism, Garrosh is... kinda just a raging jerkhole. Every diplomatic attempt by Thrall since he showed up has been botched by Garrosh verbally kicking sand in Varian's face, except the sand is salt-covered, lemon flavored toothpicks and the face is Varian's post-traumatic stress disorder.

There's nothing that proves a character is a mascot like a player's feeling betrayal when that mascot is taken away and replaced with a whining poser who starts wars to cover up his daddy issues.


But does Garrosh have any sort of possibility to become as great a mascot as Thrall has been? Thrall's still around, after all. But so far, his track record isn't all that great. He's alienated most of his allies, killed one after being duped by an obvious villain, and tattooed a beard on his chin. Not a great starting point.


However, it seems that Blizzard is actually (for once) trying to give Garrosh something approaching character development. With the quest lines that have emerged from Cataclysm, (and the glaring recent errors glaring against the side of his hairless beard), there's evidence that he may actually realize that he's been a raging thunderdouche and needs to actually lead his people with wisdom and foresight.

Ooor just make a constant derp-face.

Which is comforting, since even Varian's character has been shown to continue growing as recently as the last dungeon of the previous expansion- when faced with a grieving Orcish father, come to proudly claim his fallen son's body after he was made the Lich King's champion...Varian steps in and tells everyone to back down and let the man take his son home. Jaina gets teary-eyed on the sidelines, and Varian realizes that he showed, uck, compassion.


...You know, Varian's backstory is suspiciously similar to the plot of Blackthorne...

What do you speak of when you can't think of anything you know?

You speak of what you DON'T know!


Now, I'm going to be going on a bit of a divergence for this post. In that I am not going to perform any sort of Google searches for information, just for accompanying pictures.

I swear this was the first picture when I googled the above sentence.

There was a game I played as a child- well, not a full game, it was a demo. It came on a disc with a few others when my aunt and uncle gave me and my siblings their old Playstation. That game was Spyro the Dragon.

Spryo has dubiousness of this claim. Either that or "attitude"

The game barely covered two of the levels, as I remember, which were in the fashion of those that were meant to be revisited to obtain different rewards, whatever those were. I remember playing over the demo several times over, becoming frustrated after a time of headbutts and firebreath and feeding butterflies to my dragonfly that I would get to some guy by a blimp and be unable to continue. I did this repeatedly.


The conundrum of this situation is obvious.


If I played through the demo with such vigor on several occasions, why didn't I ask my parents for the full game? Why do I, even now, not really feel any sort of compulsion to pick up the original game, or any of its sequels?


When I sit down and examine my line of thinking, trying to figure this out, I think I might know. One of the few instances where the demo's voice acting really stood out to me was a nasally plea from Spyro, asking "What about Nasty Nork?" Of course, I have no idea if that is what was said, (or if it's the right spelling), but it's what sticks out. And I think at some point...I simply felt like I was being talked down to.


Video games are usually quite black and white, especially back in the days of my childhood. There was a hero, he did good. There was a villain, he did bad. But there comes a point where the effort to portray this just reaches into the inane. I do believe "Nasty" was right there in his title. I mean, you couldn't find a more obvious villain name outside of the Pound Puppies movie.

MY NAME IS MCNASTY AND I'M THE VILLAIN OF THIS MOVIE OH YES I AM

Perhaps that's what drove me to play the demo over and over without getting the real version...it's hard to pin down. But somewhere I just really started to hate being talked down to, especially when it came to video games.


But obviously, Spyro has maintained. I can't count the number of sequels I've noticed in the stores up to this day. Which is another odd sore spot for me that, again, I feel no compulsion to soothe. I feel like when there are things that exist, popular things especially within my realm of interest, having them pass by me without my knowledge is inherently and profoundly depressing. I look back on old cartoons like Swat Kats or Gargoyles that I only saw once or twice when they were on the air and wish I had been more engaged at the time. Particularly in maintaining this blog, there are many games I wished I'd sampled back when they were new.


So why don't I feel that way about Spyro?


I honestly don't think I can say. Perhaps his mascocity simply didn't affect me. Or rather, disaffected me. I don't dislike the character, or the game franchise. I don't feel much about it at all. Maybe I'll grab the game now that I've put my thoughts down in writing, thus making myself a large contradiction, but that's the thing, I suppose. After all, what's the point of living, nay, of existing, if we don't continue on? If we don't change?

Spyro's dubiousness has increased tenfold.
That, or his "attitude" just metastasized somewhere unpleasant.